


ready or not

by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Pregnant Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 11:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/hipgrab
Summary: Pregnant with her and Ben's baby and so, so uncertain, Rey finds reassurance with her mother-in-law.





	ready or not

She’s so  _ tired _ .

She knew she would be, she’d done her research, but she hadn’t realized how bone-achingly exhausted she would be all the time. 

Worse still is that she can’t sleep. The baby kicks her when she tries to rest, and after tossing and turning, she finally gives up.

“Where are you going?” Ben asks sleepily. 

“I can’t sleep.”

He starts to shift, but she reaches across the bed and kisses him between his shoulder blades. “You sleep. I’ll be back.”

He mumbles something incoherent before sinking back into sleep. Rey envies him, sleeping on his stomach as if he hasn’t a care in the world. Then she feels guilty because of course he does, he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, he  _ deserves _ to sleep whenever and however he wants to.

She’s just bitter that the baby  _ he _ put in her won’t let her sleep whenever and however she wants to. 

She pads out to the hallway and down the stairs. Her center of gravity has shifted so much since her belly began to swell; where she was once lithe and nimble she is now squat and slow. She never felt exactly graceful before, but she is ungainly now. 

She makes herself a cup of the tea that Leia gave her--good for the baby, Leia assured her--and waddles out to the sitting room. She’s surprised to see Leia already there, the older woman sipping on her own cup of tea while she reads her datapad. She looks up and smiles at Rey. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Rey shakes her head, easing onto the couch beside the older woman. “This baby’s kick is worse than the  _ Falcon’s _ hyperdrive.”

“Ben didn’t kick for so long,” Leia remarks. “At first I thought something was wrong. But he was just...quiet. Even in the womb.”

Rey hums. “Well, apparently that is  _ not _ a family trait.” She rubs her belly, wincing as the baby kicks in response. It’ll calm down in an hour or so and she can finally get some sleep, but the little one is wide awake right now and no amount of soothing tea is going to calm them down. Rey looks up and sees Leia watching her with misty eyes. The older woman blinks and then smiles.

“I’m sorry--I’ve become a sentimental old fool.”

Rey’s lips rise in a polite, questioning smile.

“It’s just,” Leia goes on, “you’re so young. I keep having to remind myself that you’re the same age I was when I was pregnant with Ben. I just can’t believe I was ever as young as you.”

Rey can’t either. Not that she thinks Leia is old by any means, it’s just that it’s hard to imagine that they could ever share experiences. Leia was raised to be a princess. Rey was raised to be a scavenger. Leia became a senator and a general. Rey became a warrior and a Jedi.

“You’re more alike than you think,” Ben told her once. Rey doesn’t see it, can’t begin to compare herself to the great Leia Organa, but...maybe Ben’s right. Maybe they are alike.

“Were you scared too?” Rey asks aloud. 

Leia gives her a small smile. “Terrified. I was young, we were still at war, and Han and I...we barely got the chance to fall in love before we were having a baby together. It was never what I’d envisioned for myself, but...unexpected pregnancies tend to be a theme in my family.”

Rey knows she means her own biological mother, a former queen and respected senator who’d gotten pregnant with her secret and very forbidden husband, and her grandmother, a slave on Tatooine who’d never even been with a man. It was inevitable, really, that the son and grandson and great-grandson of these women would find himself in a similar predicament. At least, Rey thinks, she’s in good company.

“I was lucky to have people I love around me,” Leia goes on. “I could’ve managed alone, but...it’s nice, not to be alone.”

Rey hums in agreement. It  _ is _ nice. She knew Ben wouldn’t let her raise their child alone, but it’s nice to have Leia here, too. It isn’t that Ben isn’t enough, because he is, of course he is, but...he’s never given birth before. He doesn’t know how terrifying it all is. He’s terrified too, for different reasons, but only another mother can understand what Rey is going through. This, she realizes, is what having a family must feel like--having people who know what you’ve gone through. And even if they don’t, they’ll help you through it anyway. 

Rey shifts as the baby kicks again. “I’m glad you’re both with me. I just…” She licks her lips. “I’m afraid I won’t be enough.”

“You and every mother.” Leia strokes the younger woman’s hair. “Everything you’re feeling...it’s normal. My mothers--biological and adopted--weren’t around when I was pregnant with Ben. No one told me that it’s normal to feel unprepared and...inadequate. No mother is perfect.”

Rey swallows. “But I want to be.”

Leia laughs. “I know. I did too.” She tucks a lock behind Rey’s ear. “Just don’t let it get to you when you’re not perfect. You’ll be wonderful, but no one is perfect, and you can’t punish yourself for it.”

Rey is still thinking about Leia’s words when she makes the slow ascent up the stairs. She waddles into her bedroom and lowers herself onto the bed, trying not to grumble too loudly as she adjusts into a comfortable position. Ben rolls over and engulfs her in his arms, pressing her close against him. “I missed you,” he mumbles into her hair. 

“I was gone for half an hour.”

“ _ I know _ .”

She smiles. She likes that he misses her. “Ben?”

“Mm.”

“Do you think we’re ready? To be parents?”

He’s quiet, but she knows he isn’t asleep. He’s just thinking.

“I don’t know,” he finally says. “I hope so.”

“Me too,” she confides. “I hope so too.”


End file.
